Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
