so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
