I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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