Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
