when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
