I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Randomize
