i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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