I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
