I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
