His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
