I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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