nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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