Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
