i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
