Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We had to coat check the pizza.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
