I think I won the penis lottery.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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