Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
