My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
