Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Oh god it's open bar.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
