This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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