just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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