I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
