Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
