It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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