jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
