as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i was born a porn star she said
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
third nipple confirmed
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
