what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
