Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
