Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
