hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You left your phone here
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