I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
