Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
