cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
