I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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