She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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