I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
