What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
