Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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