I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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