Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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