I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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