i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
