True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
