im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
