You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I will pee on everything he values.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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