I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
high people should be assigned attendants
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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