a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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