worst night to have a conscience
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
