looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
