It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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