that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
high people should be assigned attendants
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
