he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
