All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
