Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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