ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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