Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
