Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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