oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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