At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
