He felt like a one man threesome
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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