The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
