Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
