Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
