After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
