did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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