Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sext me about skeletons
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
